I got a BMW...bring on the hate

[Adam]

Alternate title:
I got a BMW, my yuppie transitional journey

I would never have paid money for this, but it was free. I also only took it because it is a low mileage 5-speed coupe rather than the AWD automatic you usually see. Which I wouldn't have taken.

Don't worry, it's terrible. The inspection sticker expired in 2013 and stopped being driven due to various drivability issues. More on that later. It's been setting outside and uncovered in a driveway since sometime before that.

20180718_174418.jpg

20180718_174608.jpg

20180718_174635.jpg

20180718_174704.jpg

20180718_174949.jpg

20180718_175149.jpg

20180718_181353.jpg

20180718_181403.jpg

20180718_181421.jpg

20180718_181434.jpg

When I went to see it, the battery was completely dead and wouldn't even jump. I took the battery home and charged it over the next couple of days. The battery was very hesitant to take a full charge and actually discharged very quickly sitting in the garage. After a couple rounds of quick charger then trickle charge, it got up to 100%. When I went back to see if it would run, I ended up also having to use my jump pack to get it to turn over. Needs a battery.

The thing barely ran. Turns out the rubber intake tube is split in several places as are several of the vacuum lines I could see. I added some tape. Fixed forever? No. Plenty of "lean condition codes" and barely idled. Also many year old fuel. Regardless, it got up to operating temperature and didn't leak fluid everywhere or have anything terrible looking coming out of the tail pipe. The lifter clatter even quieted down after a minute or so! 'cause ultimate driving machine.

Turns out the E46 BWMs with the "new" M54 engine have lots of issues. It seems like BMW cheapened the construction of the new engine which resulted in such "German" features as prone-to-fail rubber, brittle cooling system plastics, and low-tension oil rings which result in increased oil consumption in exchange for marginal increases in fuel economy. 'cause ultimate driving machine? The terrible rubber ends up affecting things like: air intake boot, vacuum lines, PCV hoses, headlight housing seals, window seals, cowl seals, and probably 10 million other things I haven't found yet.

Anyway, I'm the second owner of this car and it (like Jenn's Seville) includes the complete maintenance history. I haven't looked through it yet. I brought the car home last night and is now increasing (decreasing?) the value of my garage.

[Bob]

When the weeds are taller than the car, you know you're in for it! I am excited to follow this project.

[Adam]

So few options!

20180825_105942.jpg

[Bob]

Wow, they worked hard to keep that under $30k! I don't think I've seen a BMW with so few options before.

[kevm14]

It has 16z!

[kevm14]

Wow, smog scale. Remember when we cared about actual pollutants? That was cool.

[kevm14]

Also, remember 5-mph bumpers and the scandal of how ugly cars like BMWs were in the 80s because of it? Well this car has 2 and 2.5 mph bumpers. So it's not that we solved the problem - we just changed the requirement.

[kevm14]

That car has zero options. It couldn't have fewer options unless they offered any deletes.

[kevm14]

3,241 lbs and 184 hp. A 95 Maxima was like 3,000 lbs and 190 hp and ran a low 15 @ 92 or so. This may trap under 90. Of course I cannot find a single magazine test, because they all tested the 330.

On the other hand, a 2002 330Ci weighed 3,357 and had 225hp. It ran a healthy 14.4 @ 97 which is a tick faster than my STS for reference. Maybe the 325 traps 91 or so, because German HP. It does want premium, though.

[Adam]

Wow, they worked hard to keep that under $30k! I don't think I've seen a BMW with so few options before.

That was one of the few requirements of the purchaser:
1. BMW
2. Coupe
3. Manual (but only because it was a no-cost option)
4. Under $30k